


In which Xander dresses up as a world-famous demon

by Captain_Forehead



Series: Prompted Christmas fics (from someone who hates Christmas) [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Christmas, Compulsory Christmas Celebration, Crack, F/F, Hints of Smut, Like Escalating-Levels-of-Bullshit Crack, Like REALLY Crack, Shameless Movie References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 04:45:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13206255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Forehead/pseuds/Captain_Forehead
Summary: Tara wants to support Willow in her new job.





	In which Xander dresses up as a world-famous demon

**Author's Note:**

> Partially based on this prompt: http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/168548073909/  
> This was originally meant to be in 2nd person and I last-minute changed it to please someone.  
> This is THE most bullshit fic I've ever written and I have no regrets.

“Oh. My. _Goddess._ ”

“Don’t say it.”

“You look...”

“Don’t. Say. It.”

“ _Adorable._ ”

Willow left out a heavy sigh, with a look that Tara always read as “if I didn’t love you so damn much, you would be so dead right now.”

She couldn’t help it. Willow _did_ look absolutely adorable in that ridiculous elf onesie, red-and-white striped stockings and pointy shoes. Not to mention the excessive amount of blush applied to her face to make it redder - though Tara did imagine part of it was real from the cold.

Tara repressed a snicker. When Willow had told her that she couldn’t go out that day because she was taking a temporary job until Christmas, the last thing Tara thought was that it actually had anything to do with Christmas. After her very lengthy rants about the distortion of the original purpose of Christmas, and how “they just stole a pagan festival to establish their compulsory conversion methods”, Tara imagined Willow didn’t want anything to do with the holiday, ever. Yet, here she was, standing in front of her in an elf costume, in the local mall, to help the poor bastard dressed as Santa not get destroyed by a few hundred screaming children.

“What are you _doing_ here?” Willow asked, exhaustion in her voice. “No, scratch that, how did you even find me?”

“Oh, baby.” Tara pouted, genuine pity on her voice. She reached out to caress Willow’s cheek, who pressed her face against her hand. “We’re connected, remember?”

“Okay, now how did you find me.”

“I asked Buffy.” Tara shrugged, smiling. “Because apparently, you trust her enough to tell her, but not me.”

Willow pulled away, visibly nervous. “Yeah, about that...”

Tara put a finger over her lips, shushing her. “Willow, it’s okay. I get it. You didn’t want to feel ridiculous in front of me.”

She pouted, her eyes begging for her girlfriend’s sympathy. “Can you blame me?”

“Well, I said I get it, not that I agree with it. Personally, I think you look really cute.”

She scoffed in disdain. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Mall’s gonna open any minute now, you ready for it?” the Santa guy said, putting a hand on Willow’s shoulder. “Oh, hey, Tara,” he said, and only then did Tara recognize him.

“Oh my Goddess.” She couldn’t hold her laughter this time. “ _Xander?_ ”

Xander opened his arms, taking a step back to allow Tara to have a better view at his looks. “Ho freaking ho, sister,” he said. “Who’s ready to open some damn gifts?”

Tara giggled in delight. Xander, as opposed to Willow, seemed to be really into the whole thing, even going as far as using stuffing to make it seem like he was way fatter than he was.

“How did you two get into this job?” Tara asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, since I’m the only one here with a steady job, I’m here mostly as a volunteer,” Xander explained. “Now Willow here.” He put an arm around her shoulders, pulling a visibly uncomfortable Willow closer to him. “Being in-between jobs as she is, is in it for the money. You know, ‘cause she’s gonna need money to—”

He stopped talking as Willow elbowed him hard in the ribs. “To support us! Of course! I’m not gonna let you pay rent alone, right?”

Tara nodded slowly, looking at Willow in suspicion, wondering what was she hiding. “You know baby, you don’t really need to do this if you hate the idea that much.”

“What? Nah.” Willow scoffed, making a dismissive gesture. “I’m good. It’s all good. I can’t wait to spend the whole afternoon teaching a bunch of whiny children how to stay in line,” she hissed through gritted teeth.

“Don’t forget there’s still three more weeks until Christmas,” Xander reminded her.

Willow forced a smile. “Sure,” she said. “I can handle it. Easy peasy.”

Tara offered her a sympathetic smile. “Oh, Wil.” She cupped her face in her hands. “I’m gonna give you a _really_ special present when you get home from this to cheer you up.”

Willow looked up at her girlfriend with puppy eyes. “You promise?”

Tara’s lips twisted into a lopsided smirk. “I promise.”

“As much as I love the whole homoerotic undertones of this conversation,” Xander interrupted. “Willow, we gotta go, remember? Screaming children? Screaming parents? Screaming me when someone tries to tear out my arm?”

“Right,” Willow said, reluctantly. She took reluctantly took Tara’s hands and removed them from her face. “See you later, baby.”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Tara replied, deeply amused. “I’m gonna stay here with you.”

Aside from the makeup, all color vanished from Willow’s face immediately. “What? N-no, you can’t. Xander, tell her— tell her that she can’t.”

Xander was already trying to find a comfortable position in the Santa’s chair, and was visibly annoyed at the persistence of their conversation. “What? Willow, we don’t have time for that. And you can’t kick her out, the mall is public.”

“But, but.” Willow looked back-and-forth from Tara to Xander. “Ugh, _fine,_ ” she said in defeat, walking away from Tara to assume her position. “But don’t try to talk to me.”

“Pinky promise,” Tara replied, smiling.

“I’m serious, Tara. Don’t.”

“So am I! I’m the biggest supporter of your work. I wouldn’t interrupt it.”

Willow narrowed her eyes, seething with rage, but didn’t say anything else.

Within a few minutes the mall was filled with people, as Xander said it would be, and a line of children, clutching tightly to their parents’ hands, was starting to form in front of Santa. Tara stayed close, but not too close, to Willow, behind the decorative fence that delimited the end of the fake grass in which the Santa and all his elves stayed. She watched in amusement as Willow put on the goofiest, _fakest_ smile she had ever seen and instructed parents on where the line started and how long were the children allowed to stay on Santa’s lap.

Tara looked around at the rest of the scene. Along the fake grass field, she could see other four elves, between the ages of seventeen and twenty-five, doing the same thing. On the Santa’s chair, Xander was trying to sit still for a picture, at the same time trying to make the little boy in his lap stop tugging at his fake beard.

For a few hours, Tara just stood there in silence, watching Willow awkwardly deal with the parents of children who were crying because they wanted more time on Santa’s lap, trying to explain that no, they couldn’t get extra time, sorry, those are the rules. Tara couldn’t help feeling sorry for her. It was obvious how overwhelmed Willow was getting. Tara wondered if she would be more at ease with a far more reduced number of children.

She sure did hope so. She had plans for their future. Plans that involved her, Willow, and a pair of kids for her to raise. Tara was already weighing the options in her head, between adoption or a surrogate - not to mention, worrying about when Willow would inevitably suggest magic - because she thought she had already gotten the “convincing Willow of having kids” part out of the way. Now, watching Willow be less-than-enthusiastic around all those small humans, Tara weren’t so sure of it anymore.

She shook her head. This wasn’t the time. She’d have this discussion when they got home, once Willow was in a better mood. Which Tara was determined to make happen, she thought, feeling a smirk starting to form on her face.

For the while, all Tara could do was silently watch Willow work, which was rapidly proving to be extremely boring, and she soon found herself wishing something would happen to make this day more interesting.

She shouldn’t have.

“Santa Claus!”

Xander deflected his attention from the next kid to look in the direction of the voice. Tara, Willow, and most of the people present did the same.

Barring the mall entrance there was a huge demon. It was about 10 feet tall, covered in fur, with sharp claws and teeth, black eyes and a small arsenal that could definitely take everyone down. It took a step ahead and spoke again:

“You’re not getting away this time! I will have my revenge!”

Xander squinted in confusion.

“Uuuh, okay?” he said. “Who the heck are you?”

“How _dare you,_ ” the demon growled. “You will pay for your crimes!”

Before anyone could say anything else, the demon charged furiously in Xander’s direction. Tara exchanged a knowing look with Willow that said “get the bystanders out first, kill the demon later.”

“Xander, hang in there!” Willow shouted, guiding the frightened masses out of the mall. Xander, meanwhile, was too busy running for his life to answer.

“What do you want from me?!” he screamed.

“It’s probably after the real Santa,” Tara shouted back, knowing that a century-old demon who disembowels children was bound to make a few enemies over the years. She pulled a kid out of the demon’s way, but it didn’t seem like the creature was interested in anything or anyone else aside from Xander.

“Hey, you dumbass!” Willow called, throwing bolts of lightning at its face to draw its attention to herself. “Leave my friend alone!”

To Tara’s distress, it worked. “Quiet, witch!” the demon bellowed, whipping his head in her direction and pulling an axe from behind its back, throwing it at her with devastating accuracy. Tara’s heart skipped at least twelve beats as she watched it hit Willow’s magic barrier and barely ricochet. It then turned its attention to Xander again, and howled in rage when it couldn’t find him anywhere. “Where is he?! Where is Santa?!”

Tara was about to go help Willow get back in her feet when a hand pulled her arm from behind the decorative pine tree by the side of the now destroyed Santa’s chair. Before Tara could say anything, Xander’s hand covered her mouth.

“I’m gonna take my hand away but you can’t scream, okay?” he whispered. “Or that thing is gonna kill me. And maybe you, but more exactly, me.”

Tara nodded, and Xander took away his hand. “Okay,” he continued. “What the _Hell_ is that demon and why does it hate Santa Claus?”

She looked back at the demon from behind their hideout, avoiding being seen by it. “It’s a Bubák demon.”

“A what now?”

“Popular name, Boogeyman.”

Xander raised his eyebrows. “You’re kidding, right?”

Tara shrugged. “Crazy, right? Santa’s real, and so is the Boogeyman… Well. Boogeymen, with an E.”

He kept looking at her in confusion. “How do you know that?”

“I, um, I read.”

Xander left out a heavy sigh and looked up as if trying to talk to God himself. “Can this day get any more ridiculous than it is?”

“Where are you, Father Christmas?!” called the Boogeyman again. “Come out here and face me like a real immortal!”

Xander squinted. “Father Christmas? Who says that?!”

“The British,” Tara replied distractedly. “Okay, so.” She looked at Xander. “The demon’s got its back to us now. Do you have an ax? Or any other weapon?”

“That’d be a really weird question if we weren’t who we are,” Xander said, taking out a decent sized ax from inside his Santa outfit.

“Good,” Tara said. “All I have is a stake, and I don’t think that’s gonna do it. But I can use a paralyzing spell. It’s gonna make things way easier for you.”

“Deal,” he said. “On the count of three.”

They both counted at the same time, and on the three, they jumped from behind the tree to face…

...the Boogeyman having a friendly chat with Willow.

“Oh,” they said at the same time. Willow and the demon turned to them.

“Oh, hey guys!” said Willow. “I was just explaining to Chad here that you’re not really Santa. It’s all a misunderstanding, really.”

“Chad?” Xander questioned.

“It’s short.”

“...For what.”

“You couldn’t pronounce without bursting to flames, human,” ‘Chad’ answered.

“He’s got some unfinished business with the real Santa,” Willow explained. “Turns out Old Man Christmas has done some pretty nasty stuff to him, right, Chad?”

“Like what?” Xander asked jokingly. “Did he give you coal when you were five and that made you swear eternal vengeance?”

“He killed my children and ate their entrails.”

“...Oh.”

“Okay, hold on a second,” Tara interrupted. “Have you just been attacking all mall Santas you’ve seen ever since that happened hoping you’d kill the real one?”

“Uuuuuh…” Chad said, and kept making that noise for about 2 minutes. “...uuuh yeah.”

“Oh,” she said. “Okay.”

“Yeah,” it repeated. “Anyway, I’m gonna hit the road. Take care, everyone.” That said, the demon burst into flames and disappeared. The three friends just stared at the empty spot where it was previously for several seconds.

“O-kay,” Xander spoke first. “Do you think we’re still gonna get paid?”

/\/\/\/\/\

“I’m never gonna work again in my life.”

Tara could hear Willow dropping down on their bed and groaning loudly.

“Stop complaining,” Tara shouted from inside the bathroom. “You didn’t even have to work all your hours.”

“Yeah, well,” Willow replied, and Tara could hear the bed creaking under her. “The ones I did work were more than enough, thank you very much. At least I don’t have to work there anymore. You know, since the Boogeyman destroyed half of the scenario.”

“That’s kinda sad.”

“True. Now I’m not gonna get paid for the rest of the week.”

“No I mean, what about the kids who didn’t stop by before to see Santa?”

“I grew up knowing Santa was a lie and I turned out alright.”

“You grew up _thinking_ he didn’t exist,” Tara corrected.

“You know what I meant. And what are you doing there that’s taking you so long?”

A smirk started to form in Tara’s face. “You really wanna know?”

“It’s not a complicated question. There isn’t plenty you can do in a—”

The bathroom door swung open and Willow’s eyes widened as soon as she looked in that direction. Tara’s smile grew.

“You’re...”

“Hm?”

“Um.” Willow clicked her tongue. “Where exactly did you get, hm, that?”

“You like?” Tara waggled her eyebrows as she leaned on her bare elbow against the door.  Willow’s eyes traveled upward, from her feet, to her thighs, to the furry trim on the end of her skimpy red dress.  Willow eyed the spaghetti straps, then the red hat that topped it all off, complete with a fuzzy white pom pom.

Willow just nodded softly, biting her lower lip, her eyes still glued to her girlfriend.

“Would you like to sit on Santa’s lap, Wil?”

To Tara’s dismay, Willow wasn’t feeling as patient as she would hope for her to be, because the next thing Tara knew, her back was against the wall, with Willow holding her firmly above the floor with a strength Tara didn’t know she had. Tara whimpered softly as she felt her girlfriend’s belly rubbing against her core.

“Sorry, Santa,” Willow whispered, her eyes dark with desire. “You see, I think I’m gonna take my present now.”

“Really?” Tara answered in the same tone, wrapping her arms around Willow’s shoulders, pulling her closer. “And tell me, have you been a nice girl this year?”

“Oh the _nicest._ ” Willow closed the distance between Tara’s face and her own, her lips getting overwhelmingly close. “I behaved _really_ well this year. I think I deserve a very nice present.”

“Hmm, I don’t think so,” Tara countered, her hands resting in Willow’s shoulders and her thumbs tracing circles on the base of the other’s neck. “I think you’re being a very naughty girl right now.”

Willow pouted mockingly. “Is Santa gonna give me coal then?”

“Oh, not this Santa,” Tara said. “This Santa _loves_ naughty girls.”

“I see,” Willow said, before giving her a deep, hungry kiss, her tongue needily demanding entrance in her girlfriend’s mouth. When she pulled back, Tara didn’t even have time to catch her breath before she got unceremoniously thrown in their bed, followed by Willow, who quickly occupied herself with kissing every spot in Tara’s face, neck, to later make her way down to more interesting regions. Even though the original plans involved Tara being more in control, for now she allowed herself to just enjoy the attention.

“Willow?”

“Hm?” she answered without stopping her activity.

“What did you need the money for?”

To Tara’s disappointment, that made Willow stop.

“Oh,” she said. “I told you, baby. I didn’t want you to be the only one paying our bills. Even if just temporarily.”

“Hm.” Tara wasn’t satisfied with the answer. She could tell Willow was lying, but decided not to push it. “Okay.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Willow said, pulling down the straps of her girlfriend’s dress until her cleavage was practically showing her bare breasts. “I think it’s time I unwrap my present.”

Tara smiled. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

**Author's Note:**

> "You sure italicize words a lot" I sure do!  
> Anyone else watched Tripping Forward? With the Sexy Santa scene? No? Just me? Okay.


End file.
